Let Me Free
by M.MarvinN.Nancy
Summary: Clary just wants to live a normal life but has a hard time doing so since her brain is always wanting to make life harder for her. Her friends: Jace, Isabelle, and Alec are always there to help her out through tough times though they have their own problems to handle too. Clarys life takes a sharp turn when she finds out the light in her dark world was leaving. By: N.N
1. Chapter 1

_**"Miss Fray."**_

A voice awoke me from my sleep, I opened my eyes to the bright lights of my room. My head ached as I sat up and pushed the blankets off me. I looked towards the large mirror on the wall beside the door. They were staring at me, observing me on the other side. My red hair was messy, my eyes looked tired. A nurse opened the door and came to my bed side.

"I'm just going to check your blood pressure, is that okay?" The nurses always asked me if it was okay, as if I had a choice. She wrapped the cuff around my upper arm. I closed my eyes and relaxed. It only took a few seconds until she removed the cuff from my arm and took out her clipboard and wrote something down. She looked at me, right into my eyes and smiled gently.

"Someone will come in and take you to breakfast, and you'll get to see your friends. Don't you want to see your friends?" I nodded and twiddled my fingers. She exited the room. I was alone again. Alone with my thoughts. I stood from my bed and walked to the back wall, where my pictures were. I saw the pictures of my mom. She was smiling, a sincere smile. I saw a picture of Luke, and Simon. My family. I sat down on the floor, still looking at the pictures. I had my drawings on the wall, I drew my friends, my family, and I drew the nurses, the doctors and even myself. I heard the door open, and a person stood in the doorway. My friend, Dr. Bane.

"Come on, Clarissa." He gestured me to follow him. I stood and walked to his side. We walked down the long hallway and turned a corner to the cafeteria. Dr. Bane walked me to the round table, near the window, where my friends were sitting.

"Clary!" Jace called, he was sitting with Isabelle and Alec. I smiled and sat down in the chair between Jace and Izzy. Izzy smiled and hugged me from my side. While Dr. Bane brought me my plate of eggs, sausage, and a cup of orange juice. Alec was quiet, as usual.

"Do you want me to stay?" Dr. Bane asked me gently. I shook my head. I looked to Jace, his blonde hair messy and his golden eyes bright. He was wearing his usual outfit, white shirt, white pants, like the rest of the boys. Izzy was wearing the white gown, like the rest of the girls, including me. I brushed my red hair back and ate a piece of sausage.

"Its good huh? Way better than yesterday." Izzy said and took a sip from her cup. Jace tapped his spoon beside Alec's hand. Alec looked up at Jace, as Jace leaned forward and planted a small kiss on Alec's forehead. Alec looked down again and started to eat. That was Jace's way of telling him that everything was okay. I finished my breakfast, I knew what came after breakfast, and that was to go take my medicine. I hated the medicine. Everybody hated the medicine. Jace glanced at me and touched my shoulder. I flinched and backed away. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Clary, you haven't said anything all morning, are you doing okay?" It was pointless to ask that, I wouldn't be here if I was okay. I shrugged. He reached out to touch my cheek, a gentle touch that always made me feel good. His thumb stroked my cheek, it was soft and warm. I leaned in to his touch. I loved Jace, I loved all my friends. Jace always knew how to make us feel better. He leaned and gave my cheek a light kiss. I felt my cheeks flush. He pulled back and leaned back in his seat. Izzy looked angry, as a doctor approached her.

"Isabelle, its time for your treatment." The doctor touched her shoulder. Isabelle resisted and smacked the doctors hand away.

"Don't touch me!" She shook and crossed her arms, and kneeled down onto the tile floor. Two more doctors came and helped Izzy to her feet. She screamed and flared her arms up. Izzy always did this, almost every day. I don't know why the doctors can't get the hint, and just back off. The doctors then proceeded to take her off the floor and walked her out. Alec still sitting at the table, just watched them leave silently.

"Its alright Alec." Jace assured him. "You'll see her for lunch, I promise." Alec stood and walked to the window and peered outside at the bare trees. I stood and walked to the window to stand beside him. My breath appeared on the window, telling me that it was getting cold out. I haven't been outside for at least a week. I loved the cold, it reminded me of Christmas. I couldn't wait until visiting hours, so I could see my family.

"Clary." Dr. Bane called. "Come on." Dr. Bane is probably the only one here besides my friends that didn't talk to me like I was a helpless child. I waved at Jace and Alec and walked to Dr. Bane. He put his hand on my back and we walked to his office. He opened the small bathroom door in the corner for me,and I went inside to get my toothbrush and brushed my teeth. When I finished I went back into the room.I sat in the comfy chair by his desk. He put a blanket over me and gave me a pillow that my mom bought me for my birthday. Dr. Bane sat in his desk chair and pulled out my file from his file cabinet, and turned on the radio he had on his desk. The music was very comforting, so I closed my eyes. I always loved Dr. Bane's office, it was one of my favorite places.

"I asked the nurses to skip the treatment today, they weren't too happy about that." He laughed softly. I opened my eyes to meet his cat-like pupils studying me. He looked at me like he actually cared about me. He was by far a better doctor, than my last one.

"Your mother called and asked how you were. I told her you were doing great, and haven't had a breakdown for a while now. She was so happy, and told me she was bringing you something special." I felt my heart race.

"W-what about…" I began but stopped, my voice surprised me. I noticed Dr. Bane glanced up at me from his desk.

"Clarissa?" He asked calmly. Slowly I began to speak again, trying not to show the surprise in hearing my own voice.

"What about….Simon.." I missed Simon desperately, he always made me laugh. Dr. Bane looked shocked, then he looked away from me. I looked at him with confusion.

"Isn't he going to come and see me, doesn't he miss me too?" I felt my throat get tight, liked I was about to cry. Dr. Bane glanced at me and nodded.

"I'm sure he misses you very much." He put the papers back in the folder and checked his watch. His black hair was spiked up, as it usually was. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see Chairman Meow, Dr. Bane's cat. I moved out of the seat with my blanket and picked the small cat up into my arms like a baby. I cradled it and looked at my doctor. He was watching me, with his hands propping up his chin. I walked to the small window beside his desk and looked outside.

"Is it cold outside?" I asked as I played with Chairman's paws.

"Yes, its quite chilly, but its not too cold yet. Do you want to go outside? I know you like the cold." as he rose from his chair, I nodded and put Chairman down onto Dr. Bane's desk.

"Dr. Bane….." I began.

"I've told you to call me Magnus." He laughed softly. "I am your friend too, not just your doctor." Which was true, Magnus was one of my best friends. He pulled a sweater off the coat rack and slipped it over my head. I put my arms through, and slipped the slippers on. Magnus pulled my hair out of the sweater, and kissed my forehead. He took my hand and we walked down to the main office. The nurse at the front desk didn't look too pleased to see me. She ignored me and looked to Magnus.

"I want to take Clarissa out for a walk, that won't be too much trouble, right." Magnus was charming, usually getting his way. She frowned and checked the computer.

"Clarissa Fray has not had her treatment today, I don't think taking her out today will be the best idea." She looked out of the top of her glasses. Magnus looked annoyed, but passed it off quickly.

"I do believe I am Clarissa doctor, I know that it is okay, and you will sign her out until 11:00am. If you do not, I will be privileged to removed you from your duties at this hospital." He raised an eyebrow at her and turned his back. The woman looked mortified, and typed something on the computer. Magnus then took my hand and we walked out the doors of the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

The cold air rushed against my skin. I shivered and crossed my arms. Magnus placed his hand on my back and guided me to the sidewalk of the busy street. I looked around at the people and the buildings. As I looked around we walked down the sidewalk to a park. I walked to the playground where some children were playing on the swings. I looked into a sandbox and knelt down and placed my hands on the cool sand. I smiled and dug my fingers in and scooped up a nice handful of sand. I then lifted my hand into the air and let the sand slowly filter through my fingers. A little boy was sitting across the sandbox. He walked over to me, and sat down beside me.

"What are you making?" His small voice asked. I looked over to him as he spoke. He didn't look any older than ten.

"I...I'm not making anything." I stuttered. He extended his arm, handing me a small yellow shovel.

"Use that instead of your hands. So sand doesn't get under your fingernails." The boys eyes were a bright brown, and his hair was dark brown. I lifted my hand, touched his hair and stroked his head. I then felt the corners of my mouth turn up.

"My name is Clary," I began to say when out of no where a woman started walking in a fast pace toward us. She jerked the boy up and put her arms around him. She looked like she was furious.

"Don't touch my child like that," she demanded. This woman was obviously his mother. I stood up in front of the woman and crossed my left arm over my body and gripped my right arm. I gripped the small shovel in my right hand.

"I'm sorry miss...I just…" Tears rushed to my face. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Magnus. He turned me away, and we walked in the opposite direction. I turned back to look at the little boy, when I felt Magnus placed his hand on my cheek and began to turn my head.

"Don't look at them," He told me. We walked towards the pond, in the middle of the park. We both sat on the bench near the water. Magnus told me he'd be right back, and left. I stared at the water. The crisp breeze glided against my cheek bones. I glanced down at the small shovel in my hands. I stood and walked to the sand near the water and began to make a hole. I put the shovel in the hole and buried it so only the handle stuck out. I don't know what I did wrong, I just wanted to show the boy that I was grateful he gave me a gift. I placed my finger in the sand and wrote out 'I'm Sorry'. I felt different, and out of place. I glance at my surroundings at the group of friends joking and laughing with each other. I wish I could be like that with my friends. I knew that it probably could never happen. I hated to think that we were all going to stay in that damn hospital all our lives. I wiped my eyes of the tears that almost fell. I heard feet shuffle in front of me. I looked up.

"Magnus, When is my…" I stopped.

This wasn't Magnus, but a girl. Someone I had never met before. She looked like she was in her late teens,her hair was long, pale, and her eyes were blue. She wore a black hoodie, and blue jeans. She tilted her head at me, as if she was judging me. The girl approached me and sat down beside me. I watched her, not knowing why she was near me.

"Its cold." Her voice called out. I nodded and looked back at the water.

"My name is Jane." She told me.

"I'm Clary." I replied.

"Who is Magnus?" Jane leaned her head back, and looked up at the sky.

"My friend. He helps me." I felt uncomfortable talking about this to a stranger.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, hes my best friend."

"What would you do if he left." My heart leaped at this question.

"I would cry."

"Do you have other friends?"

"Yes. I have Jace, Izzy, Alec and Simon." I smiled thinking about them.

"Simon?"

"Simon is a childhood friend of mine, I haven't seen him in a very long time though."

"Do you love him?" Jane's voice sounded faint.

"Of course I do."

"What would you do to see him again?" Jane turned her head to look at me. Her eyes were no longer blue, but red, like a demon. I gasped and backed away, falling off of the bench. Jane stood and hovered over me, her face became more and more distorted. I screamed and called out. I clenched my eyes closed and screamed again. I felt hands grip my shoulders tightly and shake me. My head felt hot, I didn't feel good. My stomach turned, and I threw up. I opened my eyes to see Magnus holding me in his arms. He had a worried look on his face, he stroked my forehead. I looked down at the lake, and saw Jane, face of a demon, and everything went black.

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_**Thank You for reading chapter 2, I know its short but I'll update chapter 3 soon. All reviews/followers/favorites are ****appreciated! (: 3 -N.N**_


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up in my room, my dreaded room that I was alone in. I sat up and looked around. I hate this place, its smell is intoxicating. I stood and went to the door and banged my fist on it. How could Magnus leave me in here, he's such a jerk. I banged my fist harder when the intercom came on.

"Clarissa Fray, back away from the door." The voice spoke. I became angry and kicked the door. I want to go outside, and get away from here. I need Jace. I need Alec and Izzy. I started to cry and I sat on the floor. I need Magnus, I need my mom. I buried my face in my hands. I hate being alone. I stood up and paced around the room. The door opened and a nurse stepped inside, he was wearing protective gear. I hate the protective gear, I'm not some animal, I'm a girl.

"I'm here to take you to your treatment, Clarissa." The muffled voice came out of the mask. I glared at him.

"I'm not going, Dr. Bane said I don't have to." I spoked, my voice sounded dark, I surprised myself. The nurse moved around my bed toward me. He took a couple steps to me and reached out. I backed up against the wall, I did not want to go.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, if I were you I would chose the easy way." As he spoke his voice began to annoy me and really get underneath my skin. I looked down at the ground. I didn't want to fight, I just needed to find a way out. Then I got an idea. I walked to the man and waited.

"Good girl, come on now." He guided me to the door and lead me out. Walking down the hallways, we walked past Magnus' room. I kicked the door softly as we passed. I heard the door open behind us. A few seconds passed.

"Excuse me." I heard Magnus speak out. "Where are you taking my patient?" I could tell he was bothered by the way I kicked his door. The nurse stopped and touched my shoulder, so I stopped. We both looked back at the doctor. Magnus had his arms crossed, and he was leaning against the door post.

"Treatment. Dr Bane, she needs treatment." The muffled voice spoke loudly enough for him to hear.

"Clarissa does not need treatment, as half of the children here do not. Isn't it time for her lunch anyways? I'll take her." He walked to us. The nurse gripped my shoulder and backed up.

"I was instructed not to hand her over to you." The nurse said. I shook my shoulder free and walked to Magnus, he put his hand on the top of my head.

"I'm her doctor, I know what is best." Magnus turned and we walked down the hallway. He took me to the cafeteria, where I saw my friends. I smiled and walked to the table and sat with them, and Magnus brought me my lunch. I noticed then that Alec wasn't there, and I became worried. I opened my mouth to speak but Jace stopped me.

"Alec won't be in the cafeteria for a while, my doctor said he had….some problems returning to his room." Jace sighed and ate a piece of his pizza. Izzy looked as if she had been crying, which I would too if my brother was being locked in his room, not knowing how long it would be until you'd see him again. I gulped and touched Izzy's shoulder softly.

"He's okay. I know it, he has to be." I spoke to her calmly and tried not to show the anxiety in my face. She rolled her eyes and looked away.

"I'm not stupid, this isn't the first time he's been like this." Her voice sounded faint. I felt Jace touch the top of my hand lightly.

"Look Izzy, I'm just trying to make you feel better. I know that I would want you to reassure me that everything was okay." I could feel my voice rising as I finished speaking to her.

"I think it's time for you and I to go sit alone Clary." Jace interrupted. I looked up from Izzy's face to see Jace standing beside me with his hand stretched out toward me. Without a second thought I rose from my chair and placed my hand into his. I couldn't help but notice his hand was cool.

"Jace are you okay?" I asked as we began to walk to another table, leaving Izzy all alone.

"Yes. Everything is fine Clary." He looked confused, as if I had asked him something odd. Sometimes I feel like being in this hospital changes us. I wonder if we had never been in here, and met outside, if we could of had a different relationship. Maybe something more along the lines of boyfriend/girlfriend. It doesn't matter though because doctors don't usually allow relationships between patients, so I keep trying to push the thoughts of him and I together out of my head. Besides it's not like he'd ever be with a girl like me. My old doctor told me I had schizophrenia. Magnus said I wasn't crazy, that I was just different from everyone else. I wouldn't want to be with me either. Finally snapping out of my pity party, I realized that we had made it to a new table that only had two chairs that were curiously placed in the corner of the cafeteria, isolated from everyone else.

"Perfect." Jace said.

"Why is this perfect? We are by ourselves and everyone else is all the way on the other side of the room." I knew he could see the look of confusion on my face as I looked up to him. His eyes were a beautiful, yet a strange gold color. I could help but think that I had never seen anyone with his eye color. As I continued to look upon his angelic face, I noticed he was smiling. It made me wonder what he was thinking about, and why is he staring back at me? I began to ask myself when he interrupted,

"It's perfect because I want to talk to you. I have some great news." His voice seemed clearer when there was no one else around us.

"Clary." I heard him say, I looked up at him never realizing how my name sounded when he said it. It was sweet yet it sent chills down my spine, and made my heart jump with excitement.

"Yes, Jace?" I asked him, trying to hide the excitement. He lifted his gaze to meet mine. His look turned from normal, to crestfallen.

"Clary, I didn't ask anything."

"You called me name."

"I never called your name…" He trailed off. He cleared his throat and continued talking.

"Anyways, I've been wanting to tell you something for a while." He gripped my hand in his. His hands soft and gentle, which seemed odd since they were covered in tiny scars. I felt my heart leap, as I gripped his hand back.

"My doctor told me I could leave soon." His hand was shaking now, I could tell he was nervous. Jace has been here ever since I came.

"How soon?" I leaned my head against his arm.

"Tomorrow.." His voice was raspy. I jumped back and stared at him. He was avoiding my gaze, still holding our hands tightly together. My throat was tight, my head started to ached.

"Thats great...Jace." I smiled at him. I held back my tears. I couldn't cry in front of him, not now. I wanted him to be happy, happy he's leaving here. I swallowed, and rubbed his wrist with my thumbs.

"I'm scared to leave, Clary." Jace's voice sounded different, like nothing I've heard him sound like before. This tone was out of fear. Real fear. I reached up and touched the hair that was falling into his face. I slowly tucked it behind his left ear.

"You'll be just fine, Jace. I promise." I smiled. I saw a spark of happiness in his eyes. Behind his fear he was truly happy. I felt a sharp pain in my heart. Jace was leaving. Leaving me, Isabelle, and Alec. I don't know what Alec is going to do without him. The tightness in my throat intensified. I slowly let go of his hands and stood up from my chair,

"I'll be right back." I spoke and walked towards the single bathrooms, and went inside, locking the door behind me. I gasped when the door closed, I felt like I couldn't breathe, almost like a huge brick wall had just landed on top of me. Tears rushed out of my eyes, my face became red. I took the towel off the rack and covered my mouth. Jace, the source of comfort for the three of us, was going to leave. I feared at what would happen to Alec, and to Isabelle. Alec wasn't going to get better, he was going to get worse. Izzy would have more problems with her emotions. I wouldn't have something to look forward to everyday. Jace was our light in the darkness of our minds. I sank to the floor, and screamed into the towel. My head began to feel hot. I began to cut my arm with my fingernails. I kept cutting hoping that inflicting pain on myself would help make the ache in my heart go away. My head spun as time seemed to drag out, I became dizzy after a while and blanked out.

It was quiet. I stood alone in the dark abyss. I heard the noises of keys rattling and a soft click. I opened my eyes slightly, Magnus kneeled over me and felt my forehead.

_"Clary, sweetie."_

Magnus whispered to me, and wrapped something around my arm, and he lifted me up. I was in his arms as he carried me down the hallway. I heard distant screams of other patients down the long hallways. I felt tears run down my face, and closed my eyes. I felt Magnus lay me down in a bed and cover me up, and he leaned down and kissed my forehead. I fell asleep after listening to the comforting music from the radio, and Magnus' soft humming.

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Thank you for reading chapter 3! Chapter 4 will be posted very soon.

-N.N


	4. Chapter 4

_"Simon!" I screamed. He was being attacked by a stranger. I reached out for my childhood friend but I was just out of reach. The sky was dark and the clouds spun overhead. Simon was laying on the ground being beat by the murderer. Red was the color that coated my clothes. I looked back at Simon who was still laying on the ground. His head gently turned to face me, his face expressionless. "You killed me." I felt my heart pound as I heard his voice. I looked up from him. The stranger was back. The stranger slowly lifted its head. I felt blood rush from my face, as I became pale. It was me._

I gasped and gripped my chest as I sat up from where I was laying. I was in Magnus' office, on the bed that folds into a couch thats right under the window. It was dark outside, as I looked through the blinds. I looked around Magnus' office, he left the lamp on his desk on, and he was asleep in his desk chair. He must have felt my gaze, as I saw his cat-like eyes open and look to me. We both stared at each other for a few silent minutes. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it after finding nothing to say. After a few moments of silence a question finally appeared in my mind.

"I missed my mother…..Didn't I." I dragged out my words. Magnus lowered his head slightly and sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded.

"She left me your present. She wanted to see your face when you opened it but I promised her that you would love it" His tone was soft and gentle, as usual. I smiled and hopped off the bed and walked to his desk.

"Can I have it now?" I held out my hands. Magnus strolled his eyes up from my hands to my eyes. He looked exhausted, more than usual.

"Tomorrow, Clarissa. Its too late now." He raised his hand and ran his fingers through his spiky dark hair.

"What time is it now?" I put my hands down to my sides. He checked his watch.

"About 3:30." He stood and walked around his desk to me.

"Why didn't you go home?" I laughed a little, but stopped. My head ached badly. I lifted my head to look up at his face. He was leaning his head down to me, my head only being able to reach his chest.

"I broke a lot of rules for you to sleep in here this late. If anyone found out that you were out of your room at this hour I'd get suspended." Magnus raised an eyebrow. My gaze lowered down to the floor, and to his feet, he was only wearing socks now. I felt his hand on my chin as he raised my head. I glanced in his eyes but looked away.

"Clary, Why did you hurt yourself." His hand slid down from my chin to my arm that was bandaged up with gauze. His other hand lifted and gripped my other arm. I took a deep breath and looked away, thinking of what Jace had told me.

"Jace... he told me…" I felt hot tears rush to my face. Magnus moved his hands down from my arms and turned, he folded the bed back into a couch and sat down near the edge. He patted the empty space beside him for me to sit too. I shook my head no.

"I did hear that he was leaving, tomorrow." Magnus said and leaned his head back. I swallowed and walked and sat beside him on the other side. I clenched my hands on my lap.

"Magnus what is going to happen to Alec?" I asked him with a sharp tone. Magnus jumped slightly at the question.

"Alec is going to be just fine, trust me." His voice soft and comforting. "I know you'll miss Jace." My heart leaped.

"Yes I will. I'll miss him a lot." I lowered my head. "I feel like I could be in love with him if it weren't for this place." Thoughts began running through my head.

"Magnus?" I asked.

"Yes, Clary?" He replied.

"Have you ever been in love with someone.?" I looked to him. I could tell he tensed at the question, as if I was on a bad topic.

"Yes I have. But Its not really a good conversation to have." He said with his eyes still closed.

"Did something happen?" I asked as brought my knees to my chest.

"Yes, but it was a very long time ago, in the past." He said.

After sitting in silence and listening to Magnus' soft breathing I began to think of the nightmare that woke me.

"I had a bad dream and I don't know what it means." I took a deep breath. I turned and looked at Magnus who was already looking at me. He stood and walked to his desk and took out the notebook that he writes in when I tell him what I see in my dreams. He glanced up at me to begin.

I told him from beginning to end my nightmare. In the middle of me telling him he stopped writing, and just listened. When I finished he looked out the window as if he was in deep thought.

"Magnus?" I asked again.

"Yes?"

"I think Simon is dead." My voice cracked. Magnus' eyes shot open and widened.

"Why do you think that?" I could tell he forced his voice to be calm.

"But its true right? Simon died, and that's why I'm here? Because I couldn't handle it?" I wiped my eyes free from tears. Magnus opened his mouth as if he was going to speak before I interrupted him.

"And tell me the truth. All of it. Even if it hurts me." I demanded. Magnus brought his hands to his face and rubbed his temples.

"Yes, Simon is dead." His cat like eyes looked at me sorrowfully. I gasped softly, and asked. "How?"

Magnus looked deep in my eyes as his hands met mine and held both of them. After the long silence he finally spoke.

"You killed him."

After a very long silence I opened my trembling lips.

"I killed him?" I said, on the edge of crying. Magnus nodded.

"How did I kill him..?" I stuttered.

"You two were alone in your house, in the living room." He began. "Your mother had left to go to the store, and she had explained to me that you had been showing signs of depression. She told me you had been getting angry more often and your temper had worsen." He tried to speak again before I interrupted.

"Wait, I don't remember ever meeting you beforehand." I spoke.

"Your mother knew me long before you. Anyways, we don't know what exactly happened. From what we believe, we think you had thought he was a person named Jane." He said. I backed up in surprise.

"Jane?"

"Yes, Jocelyn had said that you had brought up the name before and that you had told her a dream once about 'Jane'" Magnus turned and picked a book off the bookcase and flipped through the pages.

"We think that you had a hallucination that Simon was Jane, and you attacked him." He glanced up at me and stopped. Tears were running down my face. Magnus stood from his desk and came to me and embraced me.

"It wasn't your fault, Clary, it wasn't your fault." He said, while he slowly brushed his hand along my hair.

"I murdered him!" I screamed. "I attacked him until he died!" I pulled away from him and fell to the floor, covering my eyes with my hands and began to cry.

"It wasn't your fault." Magnus picked me up and sat me on the couch. He then took a seat next to me. He pulled me down to where my head leaned against his shoulder and he held me.

"Its all my fault." I said quietly. "He died because of me." I shook violently.

"You didn't know, it wasn't your fault, Your brain threw a trick on you." He spoke.

"And I fell for it and he died because of me." I scratched the side of me face. Magnus took my hand away and held it. I felt like a child having a temper tantrum, so I tried desperately to calm myself. The room fell silent with the soft sound of me sniffing roughly. After a long moment of silence he spoke again.

"Clary, Simon was alive when your mom came home, and she told me you were unconscious beside him. Jocelyn called 9-1-1 right away and she talked to him as she waited for the ambulance to arrive. Simon told her that he knew it wasn't your fault, that the real Clary wouldn't have done something like that. Simon knew something had set you off and he blamed himself. He doesn't blame you. Jocelyn said that Simon said he loved you, and that he was sorry. When the ambulance came Simon was taken to the hospital, and they found out that there was severe internal bleeding. He didn't die in pain, though." He glanced at me again. I closed my eyes.

"Can we visit his grave tomorrow?" I asked, rubbing my cheek where I scratched myself. Magnus nodded.

"After we say goodbye to Jace." I thought of him again. Magnus kissed my cheek and stood. He unfolded the couch back into a bed and layed me down.

"Tomorrow, after you've rested." His voice gentle. I watched him walk back to his desk and sit in the desk chair. He turned off the lamp so the only light was coming through the window from the bright moon. I looked at the room from the low light and watched his bright green cat-like eyes blink at me.

"Go to sleep, Clarissa." He said. And that was the last thing I heard before I fell into deep sleep.

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**I'm sorry this chapter took a while to be published, Chapter 5 won't take as long! If you liked it please favorite, or leave a review. Anything will be appreciated. 3 Thank you**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry its late, I've been ssssoooo busy with school with after school activities and projects and stuff, I was even irritated with myself. but anyways, Its here, Enjoy!**

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When I woke in the morning, Magnus was asleep in his desk chair. I got up and walked to him and tapped his shoulder to wake him. He opened his tired, cat-like eyes. He rose from his chair moved to his coffee maker. I smiled and watched him fold the bed back up into a couch. I sat in his desk chair, and watched him brewing. After he made his coffee, he turned to me and began to speak,

"Where to first Clarissa?" Magnus asked me. My heart quickened.

"Jace, to Jace first." I said at a fast pace. I stood and walked to the window and looked outside. "I don't want him to leave Magnus." I stated bluntly.

"I know dear, but be happy for him okay? Hes finally gotten better. Its a good thing. He has-"

"I know!" I cut him off. "He just better come back and visit." I frowned. I crossed my arms and stepped outside his office. I watched doctors run down the long hallway. What's going on? I thought to myself. More doctors rushed down the hallway. I heard Magnus step out of the door behind me, locking it.

"Must be some emergency." His soft voice said. He put his hand on my back and pushed me slightly, telling me to head towards the cafeteria. As we walked, more doctors passed us. One doctor stopped and whispered something to Magnus. Magnus stopped me suddenly.

"Theres an emergency in the loft, you go on ahead to the cafeteria, I'll be there soon." He kissed the top of my head and ran off with the doctors. I sighed and walked into the cafeteria back to my table. When I walked in I slipped on the newly mopped floor and fell. I rubbed my head and sat up, I felt hands help me up and ask me if I was okay. I nodded and kept going. Izzy and Jace were sitting there alone, eating quietly. I got my food and went and sat down beside Jace. Jace was shaking as he looked up at me and smiled nervously. I smiled back at him, the worst forced smile ever. He looked down at my hands then looked away and continued eating. I blinked and looked out the window.

"Jace," I began. "You don't need to be nervous-" I stopped when he raised his hand at me. He turned to me again. The way he looked at me was different. Izzy seemed to notice it. She stood.

"I have to…. use the bathroom." She giggled and walked to the single bathroom and closed the door. Jace and I seemed to be alone in the cafeteria, one or two patients, and no doctors. He placed his finger below my chin and lifted my head to him. I felt my face flush.

"Jace,,..." I said. "What..are you doing." I managed to stutter out. His eyes lowered, as if he was observing me.

"Clary, I love you." He said. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine gently. I gasped and touched his cheek. He kissed me deeper, more lovingly. I opened my eyes slightly, I wanted to see him up close. But then he pulled back. He placed his hand on my arm and shook me a little bit. I closed my eyes.

"Clary!" Jace yelled. I re-opened my eyes to his worried expression. My eyes widened.

"What's the matter?" I asked. Izzy was back from the bathroom. She was looking at me too. I brushed my hair back behind my ear.

"I was calling out your name. You stopped in the middle of your sentence." He put his hand down into his lap. I blushed. That was all fake wasn't it.

"I'm okay, Jace." I replied back to him. "But I've wanted to tell you about how I fe-" The intercom interrupted me with an announcement.

**"Jace Herondale, come to the front office."** The intercom went off again once it finished. My heart ached so badly. I gripped my hands. Jace stood. Frozen in place he stared at the doors to leave the cafeteria. I swallowed down my tight throat. I stood beside him and took his hand.

"Come on." I said. I pulled him forward. Izzy stood on the other side of him and took his other hand. We both guided him out of the cafeteria and down the hallway.

"Why are you so worried?" Izzy asked. "Shouldn't you be happy that you're finally getting out of here?" I saw her thumb stroke against the back of his hand, the one she was holding. Jace stayed silent and shook his head. After a few seconds of silence he spoke.

"It's been so long since I've been out of here." His shaky voice croaked. "What if I can't make friends, or I can't get a job or something. What if I don't make it?" Izzy chuckled softly. She pulled him off to the side, and I followed. We stood around him.

"Jace, you're handsome, charming, and strong. I'm really confident you'll make it." She smiled at him. Jace looked from her to me.

"I at least want to see Alec before I go." He murmured. Izzy gasped softly. I squeezed his hand.

"We could sneak him to his room...can't we Isabelle." I almost whispered. She nodded. She glanced up and down the hallway and pulled her with us towards Alec's room.

Avoiding as many nurses and doctors as we could we finally got to his room. We entered the room that leads to the window, so we could see inside, but he could not see us because it was a one-way mirror. Alec was laying on his bed, still. Jace walked to the door that lead inside and opened it. I saw Alec twitch slightly, as if the noise had scared him. Jace walked inside and closed the door. Izzy turned the speakers on so we could hear them.

"Alec.." Jace spoke. "Alec, its me. Jace." He walked closer, but slowly. Alec sat up slowly, his back towards us.

"Jace?" I heard him say. He turned his head to look at him. Tears had already formed and spilled, though his eyes looked like he had been crying for days. Jace walked to the bedside. Alec slid off the bed and walked around to him. I heard Izzy gasp as we both saw that Alec was in a straight jacket. I saw Jace take a step back in surprise.

"Alec, what did they do to you.." Jace's words faded. Alec looked down, he looked embarrassed.

"They put me in this, they called me dangerous." He glanced back up at Jace. "Apparently, they test out their new treatments on me, I heard one of the doctors say that." I saw Izzy clench her fist out of the corner of my eye. Jace sat down on Alec's bed and sighed. Silence grew in the room, Alec sat down beside Jace. Alec laughed softly.

"So when are you getting out of here, Jace." He said as he looked at his friend. Jace's eyes widened.

"How did you know I was leaving." Jace whispered.

"Magnus came and told me a while back. I wasn't surprised." Alec seemed nervous.

"I leave today." Jace said bluntly. I think I saw a flash of anger in Alec's eyes. Jace lifted his hand and brushed his fingers through Alec's black mess of hair that fell into his eyes. Alec calmed and leaned against Jace.

"You'll come visit me right?" Alec spoke.

"Of course, you, Izzy and Clary." Jace kissed the top of Alec's head.

"How are they?"

"They are behind that mirror if you want to see them."

Alec smiled. Jace waved us to come inside. Izzy and I walked to the door and walked inside the room. Alec stood as Izzy ran to him and hugged him tightly. I hugged him next. Jace walked and put his arms around the three of us, like a group hug. I could feel Alec's heart skipping as he smiled. Izzy kissed her brothers cheek.

"You guys should go." Alec said. "The nurse will be in here soon to bring me breakfast." We all backed up. Jace was smiling. Izzy and I waved him goodbye as we left the room, leaving Jace in there with him. They stood silent for a few moments.

"I'll come back and see you, Alec." Jace whispered. Alec nodded as Jace wrapped his arms around him again, and kissed his forehead, a goodbye kiss. Jace backed away from him and excited the room. Izzy and Jace walked out as I waited and watched Alec from behind the mirror. Alec stood alone, his black hair bold in the white room. I saw tears stream out of his eyes and down his face. My heart ached seeing him cry. He walked back to his bed, and sat on the edge of it. His arms shook inside of the straight jacket.

"I love you, Jace." I heard his say. My eyes widened. I've never heard Alec say those words before. He laid down on his side and rolled over, back in the position he was in when we arrived. I watched his body shake.

"Clary!" Izzy whispered to me, her head peaking in the door. "Come on."

"Right, sorry." I whispered back and walked out. Izzy stood with Jace.

"Ready to go?" Izzy asked Jace, who seemed to be in deep thought. He nodded. I held his hand as we walked back down the hallway.

We arrived at the main office, where Jace had gotten new clothes. Izzy and I waited in the waiting room for him to come out of the bathroom. When he came out he wasn't wearing the typical white uniform patients wear. He wore a black t-shirt, jeans and new shoes. He hair was brushed back with his hand.

"What do you think?" He asked us.

"You look awesome!" Izzy exclaimed. I smiled and nodded in agreement. Jace went to the front desk and got his bag of personal items. We stood and followed him to the door. He turned back to us and hugged us both. I leaned my head against his chest. He dropped his arms and looked at me. He put his bag down and put his arms around my waist and pressed his lips against mine. I felt him lift me off the ground placing me deeper in his embrace. My hair fell around us, as he deepened the kiss. I closed my eyes, only wanting to feel him. He set me down and pulled back. He placed his hands on both sides of my face, pulling me back into another kiss. He let go again and looked me in the eyes.

"I love you, Clary" He told me. I opened my mouth, speechless. This kiss was real, not just my imagination. This was our first kiss, our first real kiss.

"I love you too, Jace." I replied. He brushed my hair back and kissed my forehead. He picked up his bag and bowed at Izzy, who was blushing and smiling. He turned and walked out of the doors. I stood and watched him walk away, leaving us behind. He was free, while we were all still trapped. One day I will be free like him, even if I have to break my way free.


	6. Chapter 6

I watched Jace disappear in the distance, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Magnus. I turned to him, smiling. He tilted his head in confusion.

"Do you feel better?" He asked me. I nodded and frowned. I remembered what else I needed to do.

"I'm ready to go Magnus, to go see Simon." I told him straight forwardly. He nodded softly and guided me back to my room. Shocked I asked.

"Why are we going back here?"

"I'm so sorry Clarissa" He told me. "I have to take you back to your room." I stopped in my tracks. I felt hot anger rise in my chest. I looked up at him with an evil glare.

"No!" I screamed. I flailed my arms and hit him in the shoulders. I heard a soft gasp as I heard distant footsteps approaching me. Magnus had fell back against the wall now, as I kept swinging my fist at him.

"YOU!" I screamed at him. "YOU'LL LET THEM DO THIS TO ME?!" I swung my fist to hit him again until I felt hands grab my wrist and pulls me back. I then felt a small sting in my neck. I struggled more, staring down Magnus. He was staring back. The nurses injected me with something. I finally realized as I had slowly lost my strength and fell asleep.

* * *

I woke in my room, the lights were off which told me it was night time. The darkness comforts me. I stood up and walked to the mirror. I stared at my dark reflection until i saw a small red gleam. A light. I could see inside the room now. I looked around and realized how fragile the glass really is. I smiled, not a happy smile, but a smile as I realized how stupid I was. I walked in the darkness and reached my bed. I placed my hands under it and flipped it over. I scrolled my hands over the metal railings that keep the mattress up. I found the screw of one of the bars and dug one of my fingernails into the crack of it and twisted it off. I threw it out into the dark room and found the one on the other side until the bar came off. I stood with the bar in my hand and felt the light weight of it. I swung it around a little just to get an idea of how hard I could swing it. I walked to the mirror. I could break this and escape. I thought to myself. I held the metal rod up against the mirror. I swung back hard and slapped the rod against it. A large crack was in the mirror now, I touched it lightly with my hands to feel where I should strike next. I placed the rod where I needed to hit, swung back, and slammed it against the glass. I heard it cracking all over. I'm close. I placed my hands on the glass and pushed slightly. I felt it cave in. I held the metal bar in my hands lightly and gripped it hard. I brought my shoulders back, positioning myself as if I was a baseball player, and slung my arms forward. The metal rod hit the glass one last time, as it shattered across the floor. I felt the glass at my bare feet. I took a step forward and felt a sharp pain on my foot but I quickly passed it off. I put my hands where the mirror had been and I pulled myself up and through, whipping my legs around and landing on the floor. I searched around for the lights and switched it on. I saw my plain white room with my family pictures. I went, ignoring the sharp pains in the bottoms of my feet which are bound to have glass in them, and opened the door and propped it open with the stool. I went and took the pictures down and put them securely in the strap of my bra under my plain white dress uniform. I put slippers on and exited back into the room behind the mirror. I took one of the pictures out, it was an old picture of a landscape I saw outside once. I took the black sharpie and wrote on the front of it. After I was done writing I picked up the metal rod again, and walked to the door that lead to the hallway. I glanced back at the note I left on the desk. I turned away from it and walked out into the hallway with low lights. I looked up and down the low-lighted hallway and began walking up towards the front doors. I held the metal bar tight in my hands. This is my only defense. I felt as if I was a book character, which made me smile. Jace like to read sometimes during breakfast. I stopped halfway to the main office when I realized what else I needed to do. I needed to free Alec and Izzy. I spun and quickly made my way towards Izzy's hallway. I guided myself down to her room and entered the room. I walked into the room with the viewing window to her room, where all she sees is a mirror on the other side. I flipped the lights on. Izzy's long black hair draped off the side of her bed. She slept with the blankets on, her back towards me. I made my way to the door that lead into her room, I propped it open with the desk chair. I walked in, still holding the metal rod.

"Isabelle." I spoke out to her. She shifted on her bed, and rolled over to me, her deep blue eyes open. She seemed surprised to see me.

"Clary?" She sat up. "Is something wrong? How did you get in here?" I shook my head. I shifted from my left foot to my right, trying to stay off my injured foot.

"I just think its time we get out of here." I said. She noticed the bar in my hand and her eyes widened.

"Clary...Put that down." She stood with her hands out as if I was going to attack her. I stumbled back in surprise.

"I came to save you.." I said to her. I shook my head in confusion. "We can escape Izzy, I'm going to get Alec too.." My words faded. She lifted her head.

"Alec.." She said. I nodded.

"Come on," I gestured her. "Lets hurry." She turned and took the photos off the walls and followed after me. We both rushed down to Alec's room. His lights were off also. I flicked them on and spoke over the intercom.

"Wake up Alec, its time to go." He opened his eyes instantly and sat up. He was still in his straight jacket. I opened the door for him and unbuckled the jacket. His arms were free, as he held them out in front of him, smiling. I looped my arm in his as Izzy, Alec, and I all made our way to the front office. When we got there I searched for the safe in the back room and took as much money I could carry. Alec was rubbing his arms as Izzy was looking out the window.

"Clary, are we leaving because of Jace." She said. I glared at her.

"Of course not. We are leaving because we don't need to be here anymore." My words sounded rushed and close together. She sighed.

"Okay. I think we are ready to head out-" I turned and bumped into something. I raised my head and saw the familiar spiky black hair.

"Magnus.." I said under my breath.

I think he smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

"Clary, what do you think you're doing?" He asked. Isabelle and Alec stopped what they were doing to stare at him. I stepped backwards. Frustrated, I swung the metal rod at him, he caught it in his hand and took it from me. Surprised he asked,

"Did you just try to hit me with a pole?" I heard Alec snicker. Magnus saw him and blinked. "Clary, what is this about?"

I was exhausted and out of breath. My throat was tight from my upcoming tears.

"I just don't want to be here anymore, Magnus." My tears spilled over. He brought his hand up and wiped my wet eyes.

"I know." He hugged me. I pushed him back.

"Don't touch me. You let them take me away and broke your promise!" I yelled. Magnus put his hands up.

"Listen to me," He began. "I was going to get you out-"

"I dont want to hear your bull sh-"

"Listen to me!" He raised his voice. I stopped. "I was going to get you out. I was on my way to get you, but I saw the glass, and the bed. I have a place for you to stay." I looked into his cat-like eyes, they didn't seem like he was lying.

"Where?" My voice was filled with poison. Magnus closed his eyes and dropped his hands.

"I've decided to let you live with me." He said "Your mother told me it was alright if you spent some time outside of the hospital." The room got quiet.

"My mom said it was okay….? I asked. He nodded. I looked back at Izzy and Alec who looked….happy? Their expressions were unreadable.

"When." I demanded.

"Now." He said. "I already have your things." He added.

* * *

The four of us arrived at Magnus' house. It was a simple apartment, with three bedrooms. Izzy insisted that we could share a bed, but Magnus said that it would be fine if him and Alec did, so us girls could have our space. Plus Alec needed someone there with him, so we were all fine with it. Since it was still really early in the morning, we all went to bed. The room I was staying in was comfortable, way more comfortable than my old bed. I tossed and turned, but when the sun started to rise I decided get up. I pinned my family pictures on my wall and walked out into the living room. Magnus was on the couch, sitting beside Alec. They were talking, and Alec seemed happier. I heard a knock on the door.

"You can answer it." Magnus said. I walked to the door and opened it up. My mother was standing before me. She didn't hesitate to pull me into her arms and embrace me. Her scent reminded me of our memories together. I smiled and hugged her back, my heart pounding inside my chest. She held me in her arms for a while then let go and kissed my face.

"I've missed you so much, Clary." She said and kissed my cheek again. Luke was standing behind her, closing the door. Mom pulled away from me so I could hug him. He smelled the same too, which made me smile. We all sat in the living room. Mom told me about how her and Luke were getting by good, but how they had missed me so much. I told them about my friends. I told them about Jace, and about how good he was to us and how he helped us. After we finished talking, we all ate breakfast together. Izzy told Mom and Luke some jokes, while Alec and Magnus talked quietly in the kitchen. We spent two hours or so, until mom said they had to go run errands. She gave me another hug. She gave me a gift, wrapped tightly with a pretty bow, and left with Luke. I went to my bedroom and opened the box up. A beautiful, elegant picture frame was inside. It had no picture in it yet, so i'm guessing she wanted to put my own photo in it. I set it up on the dresser, and I began to daydream about what kind of picture I should put inside. One of my friends, definitely. They were the ones I had spent the last one or two years with. I walked out of my bedroom to Magnus, who was still talking to Alec.

"Do you have a camera?" I asked him.

"Yes, why?" He replied.

"I want to take a picture of me and my friends to put in my picture frame."

"That sounds like a great idea, but you'll have to wait, my friend Ragnor is borrowing it at the moment." He finished. I nodded and looked at Alec, who was blushing.

"Do you have a fever Alec?" I felt his forehead. He pulled away.

"I don't have a fever, Clary. I'm fine." Alec scoffed at me. I smiled at him, he seemed normal now. More relaxed maybe. I wonder what him and Magnus talk about all the time. I turned and walked out of the room to Izzy, who had fell asleep on the couch. I covered her with a blanket and went to my room. I walked in and closed the door and I sat on my bed and looked out the window. I loved having the freedom of looking outside from my own bedroom. There was snow on the ground, and my breath fogged up the window when I breathe. I heard footsteps down the hallway then faint talking. It was Alec and Magnus. I got up and pressed my ear to the door.

"Alec, you can tell Clary and Isabelle. They are your family." I heard Magnus' voice.

"Magnus, I just can't do it." Alec replied.

"You can do it. I'm one hundred percent positive you can." I heard silence for a couple of seconds. Thinking its safe, I opened the door. Magnus had his arms wrapped around Alec's waist, and Alec's arms were around Magnus' neck. Alec looked to me and dropped his arms quickly, as did Magnus. I felt a smile creep onto my face.

"Thats what you're afraid to tell us about?" I tilted my head, trying to keep the smile from arising on my face. Alec's face was bright red. Magnus looked at Alec back to me. Alec nodded.

"That you and Magnus have some kind of…. thing going on?" I waved my fingers at them. Magnus smiled.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?" Magnus asks. I shook my head. Even though it was a bit weird my friend was with my doctor, pretty much. Even though Alec was eighteen and Magnus was around twenty last time I asked, which was two weeks ago.

"Its fine with me." I walked past them and made my way to Izzy who was still sleeping soundly. I looked up at the wall clock and read 3:00pm. My stomach was growling in hunger. I walked to the kitchen and stopped at the fridge. There were pictures of Magnus and his friends. He was smiling. I saw one picture of me and him. It was the first time he brought his cat Chairman Meow to his office. It was a happy picture, and a good memory. But any memory of that hospital ached my heart. I'm not attached to it, but its where I've met some of the best people in my life. The thought of Jace shook my heart. Its only been two days without him and my heart aches for him badly. Since i'm out of the hospital I wonder when I'll be able to see him again. I began thinking of why any of us was there in the first place. Isabelle said she had stayed there for a while. Suffering from Split-Personality Disorder and an extreme suffered from severe depression, and Jace…. I don't remember why Jace was there. I never really had the nerve to ask him. I shook my head, reminding myself I was still staring at the fridge door. I turned away and walked back to my room, figuring that I wasn't hungry anymore, just bored. I walked to my bed to see a book, with pencils beside it.

"Magnus?" I yelled for him. He walked to the door and leaned on the door frame.

"So I see you've gotten my gift." He smiles.

"Gift? It just looks like something you pulled out the back of your closet and decided to give it to me." I said jokingly. "But seriously, what is it for?"

"Did you grow up under a rock? Its a sketch pad." He said mockingly.

"Yeah? and what would I draw in it?" I replied back, sharp.

"Anything you wanted to, Clarissa." He said and turned and walked away. I opened the book and felt the pages. They felt like the perfect material to draw on. I sat on my bed and pulled the book into my lap and began to draw.

* * *

I opened my eyes. I was laying on my book, on my bed. It was dark outside. It was dark in my room. How late was it? I hardly remember falling asleep. I still had the pencil in my fingers. I looked down at my book and saw a portrait, a familiar face. I drew Jace. I drew him smiling. I smiled and set the book down along with the pencil. I stood and stretched and stalked out of my room. Isabelle wasn't sleeping on the couch anymore. I looked at the clock and saw it was only 10 o'clock. I walked to Izzy's room and peaked in, she wasn't there. I checked Magnus' room for him and Alec, but neither one of them were there. I was alone. Where is everyone? I turned on the living room lamp and plopped myself down onto the couch. Did they leave me? I brought my knees up to my chest.

"You know," I heard a familiar voice call out. "Some alone time is always comforting."  
I began to shake. _Oh great._ I thought. I looked up from my lap and saw her, Jane.

"What do you want?" I said venomously.

"I want what you want." She replied.

"You don't know what I want."

"Oh, I do know. I know you better than yourself." A wicked smiled appeared on her face. I rolled my eyes. I can't let her get to me. She walked and sat next to me, her dark aura making me cringe.

"I am you, Clarissa." She said. I clenched my fist. She is not me. She is cold-hearted and I'm nothing like that. I told myself. I clenched my eyes closed. I heard the front door open and footsteps walk in.

"Clary?" I heard Izzy ask. I opened my eyes. Jane was gone. Izzy saved me. I stood.

"Where were you guys?" Magnus and Alec had followed in.

"We just went to the store, Magnus said it would be fine if we went with him." Izzy said. Alec set down some grocery bags on the table. I looked at Magnus. He was tilting his head, looking at me.

"Do you feel okay, Clarissa?" He asked me.

"I feel….fine." I turned away from him. Magnus has a way of knowing when I don't feel well. I walked back to my room and locked my door. I was changing into pajamas, when I heard something hit my window. Frightened, I walked to the window and pulled back the curtains. I looked down and saw a silhouette of a person. I opened the window, cold air filling my lungs. I peaked my head out the window.

"Clary?" The person called. I don't think my heart has ever leaped so far out of my chest. Jace stood below my window, his blonde hair shining in the moonlight.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jace." I muttered under my breath, my heart nearling leaping out of my chest. He smiles, still looking up at me.

"Oh Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Unlock your front door." He laughs. Without hesitation I spin and run to the front door. I unlock it and swing it open. Jace stands in front of me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"That was quic-" I interrupt his sentence with my arms wrapping around his body to hug him. I feel his body shake from laughing. "Aww, Clary did you miss me?" I nod, my face buried against his chest. My arms tighten around him.

"I missed you so much." I gasp out. His arms wrap around me and lift me into a deep embrace.

"I missed you too." His is voice muffled from him burying his face in my neck. I hear someone clear their throat loud, behind us. I never want to let go, but I turn my head to see who stands behind us. I see Isabelle, grinning at the sight of Jace.

"I missed you too you know." She says while opening her arms. Jace lets me go and hugs Izzy.

"Where's Alec?" Jace asks as he releases Izzy and steps back.

"Oh he's asleep. It's about 11:00 at night you know." She giggles. Jace nods.

"Oh yeah, sorry for the odd timing. I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"Oh it is." I say, feeling a smile creep onto my face. "I'm glad you came."

Jace smiles at me and takes my hands. Izzy tilts her head at us, then smiles and backs away slowly.

"Well I'm tired." Izzy says while fake yawning and backing up towards her room. "See you two love birds in the morning." She winks at me and goes into her room, closing the door. I look up at Jace to find him already staring down into my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

"So do you like staying here?" He asks me. I nod.

"Much better than that hospital." I say, remembering to ask him why he was there in the first place. I convince myself now is not the time to ask.

"Oh!" I jumped. "I have to show you something." I squeeze his hand and walk to my bedroom and turn on the light. Jace followed me and stood beside my bed. I pick up my sketch pad and show him the drawing I did of him. Jace opens his mouth in awe.

"Holy Raziel Clary, this is amazing! How did you learn to draw like this?" He runs his finger of the paper. I feel my cheeks get warm as I smile.

"I never learned, Magnus just got me that earlier today." I reply. Jace looked up from the paper at me.

"It's really cool." He closes the book. "You really got every detail of me." He sets the book down on my bed and moves his arm up to hold my hand.

"I pay attention to every detail." I tell him. After realizing what I had just said, I feel my face flush with embarrassment. "I didn't mean it like that!" I fluster.

"Like what?" Jace asks. I think for a moment, then finding what I meant to say, I speak.

"Like I….like I watch you." I say. I should just sew my mouth shut, everything I say just gets worse.

"Maybe I want you to watch me." He leans in closer. In shock, I stand frozen.

"I like you a lot Clary." His soft voice whispers in my ear. I shiver and put my hand on his forearm. We stand so close I feel his breath graze my forehead, but I want to be closer. I close my eyes, waiting for him to press his lips to mine. But all I feel are his breaths. I open my eyes and look up at him. His eyes are closed too, but open when I open mine. He smiles again, and I smile back. He is flawless. I lift myself onto my tippy-toes and peck his lips. I lower myself back down, staring at him. I can't believe I just did that. His eyes widen. Grinning, he backs me up against the wall and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his hips instinctively.

"You're lighter than I expected." He whispers. I squint my eyes at him.

"What are you trying to say?" I lower my voice in a threatening tone. He laughs.

"I was only joking, Clarissa." He replies. I love it when he says my name. I love him, all of him. I place my arms around his neck, and I feel his hands under my legs, keeping me up against the wall. I feel my cheeks burning, and they hurt from smiling too much. He really brings the best out in me. He finally presses his lips against mine, surprising me since I was so deep in thought. I close my eyes. I feel the burning passion inside my chest down to my stomach.

"I love you." He pulls back slightly and whispers against my lips.

"I love you too." I whisper back right when he kisses me again. Slowly he lets me down to my feet, so his hands can touch my waist. He pulls back again, his lips still grazing mine.

"Clary." He says.

"Yes?" I open my eyes and lift my head to see his.

"I'm in love with you." He tells me. I feel my heart stop.

"I'm in love with you too." I reply almost instantly. He releases my waist and walks to the door and closes it. I clench my fist. We are behind a closed door. I shouldn't be nervous but all the sudden I feel like I'm panicking. Jace seemed to notice this, and chuckles.

"Clary, I'm not going to hurt you." He says. I nod.

"I know that…" I reply back to him.

"Then why are you nervous?" He flips off the light and walks and sits on my bed. I see his shadow in the moonlight that peers into my room.

"Come over here." His voice is soft. I shuffle my feet and stand in front of him. My face feels like its on fire, and my body burns with heat. How can he do this to me by simply putting his lips to mine? Its amazing when I think about it, how much a person can impact the others physical, emotional and mental state by simple acts. His hands reach and feel my hips, rubbing them slowly.

"Jace…" I begin. "I'm...not ready for what you want." Jace's hands stop.

"What do you think I want?" He replies. The room falls in silence. His hands tighten.

"I'm not that type of boy, Clary." His voice sounds like he's trying to stay calm. I swallow hard, feeling my throat tighten.

"I know, but I.."

"Listen to me Clary." Jace interrupts me. I stop and wait for him to continue. "I have waited long enough to kiss and touch you like this. I've been in love with you since I first met you in the hospital cafeteria, and I've never fell in love like that with anyone before. That hospital doesn't allow things like this, and thats what drove me insane." He pulls me down into his lap and slides his hands around me. "Everytime I see you I just want to hold you and kiss you until the sun burns out. I feel like you've taken all my pain and fears away and I'll never be so grateful for anyone as much as I am of you. I love you Clary, and you better understand that." He finishes. A long silence grows between us, our breathing is the only noise other than the soft ticking of the wall clock.

"Jace…" I begin.

"Don't say anything." He says. "I just want to lay here with you until we fall asleep." He shifts until we are both laying on my bed, side by side. My head laying against his chest. I want to say something. I want to tell him how he's saved me and how much I love him. His fingers find my chin and tilts my head up. He kisses me, soft and slow.

"I love you Clary."

"I love you too, Jace." I lay awake for a long time. After a while I hear Jace's breathing becomes deeper and more steady. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep, but my mind is filled with thoughts of the boy that sleeps beside me.


End file.
